


Keep Your Head Straight

by basslined



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood and Injury, Brief mention of other characters - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, hitman/mafia AU, it ends happily though i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 02:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7416883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basslined/pseuds/basslined
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noya had still managed his own shot, but for it to have come at a price...well, that just hadn’t been in their plan for today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Your Head Straight

**Author's Note:**

> This totally got away from me. I wasn't expecting it to get so long.;;; In any case, have some Hitman/Mafia AU kinda thing. I set it as Mature just to be safe, but nothing is too graphic? It's mostly just an angst bomb, I think...Just to be safe, though! I'm sorry in advance, either way.
> 
> Thanks to Emi (roguerie) for suggesting eyepatch!Daichi *eyemoji intensifies* and to her, Niv and April for reading over this for me at various points throughout its creation. You guys are da best. <33

There’s a lot of blood, some of it belonging to their target, but most of it was definitely Tanaka’s by now.

Their mission had been botched and Nishinoya still doesn’t know how. They’d taken _every_ precaution, even down to Tsukishima hacking into both the surveillance system _and_ the enterprise’s mainframe (untraced, of course) to make sure that every single aspect of the job was as green lit and safe as possible, but they’d still been caught and Tanaka had taken a very precise bullet meant for Noya himself.

Noya had still managed his own shot, but for it to have come at a price...well, that just hadn’t been in their plan for today. 

He kicks away their target’s gun before kneeling down to check the body for a pulse. No signs of vitals; a clean kill (not that he'd ever doubt his own abilities, but with the way things had decided to go today, better safe than sorry). He presses against the receiver in his ear. “Daichi-san, target confirmed, but I need backup, ASAP!” he says, turning to the other body on the floor.

Daichi’s voice patches through with the beginnings of a question and Noya cuts him off immediately. “The motherfucker got a shot in, that's all I know! I need ETAs, either Chikara or Asahi-san, I don't fuckin’ care, just get someone here _now_ ,” he says, adding a ‘please,’ as an afterthought.

“Suga and Asahi are in your area, but it'll probably be about ten minutes,” Daichi replies. “You’ll have to take care of it until then. Keep your head straight.” Noya can hear the worry underlying his voice and it makes his stomach clench.

He tears off the sleeve of his dress shirt and balls it up in his hands, pressing it against Tanaka’s side to stop the bleeding as best as he can. This wasn't supposed to happen, it was supposed to be _easy_. His throat goes dry when he happens a glance at Ryuu’s face; he's never seen his best friend like this, not in so much pain, not because of _him_.

“We’ve been through a lotta shit together, huh...?” Tanaka asks weakly, breaking the silence as Noya does his best to continue applying pressure to his wound with as much of his weight as he personally deems necessary (because hell if he knows what’s appropriate; he wasn't fucking trained for this, damn it).  
  
“Not nearly enough, Ryuu! It’ll be fine, just - just hang on, okay? I promise - Asahi-san and Suga-san are on their way right now, but you gotta - hey, hey, lookit me!” he says, rapidly patting at Tanaka’s cheek a few times to get him to open his eyes back up, which he does. They’re getting a bit glassy, he notices, and Noya’s are too, but for a different reason entirely. He clutches Tanaka’s hand close to his chest. “You _have_ to stay with me, I don’t wanna have to...I can’t say it, not to _you_.”

Tanaka coughs out a laugh, his free hand coming up to nudge at Noya’s cheek; his fingertips are cold against his skin. “Noya-”  

“Don’t. You’re gonna be okay, I’m not gonna let you...” his voice cracks with desperation when Tanaka groans softly and he eases up on the pressure just a bit. “Asahi-san will patch you up and it’ll be _fine_ , you just-”

He’s interrupted by the door slamming open behind him and he whips around, instinctively drawing his weapon and pointing it carefully, finger on the trigger and ready to fire. The sigh of relief that escapes him when he sees Azumane’s startled face looking down the barrel is almost overwhelming.  

“It fuckin’ took you long enough!” he snaps, stuffing his gun back into the holster at his belt and bringing his full attention back to Tanaka, who has closed his eyes once more. “Ryuu, hey, eyes open, remember? C’mon, they’re here, they’re gonna make it better, look!”

Noya knows it’s taking a lot of effort for Tanaka to do as he’s asked, murmuring an “S’difficult…” just barely above a whisper.

“Nishinoya…” It’s both a quiet warning and a request that comes from Asahi then, one intended not to make any promises. Noya knows it’s not smart to be hopeful, considering, and Sugawara’s small, unrestrained gasp when he comes around from behind Asahi and sees the sight laid before them reinforces the fear bubbling up in his chest.

“I know. Please take care of things,” he says quietly, squeezing Ryuu’s hand between his own. Noya feels him squeeze back gently and even though he knows that his partner’s in pain, he's still regarding him fondly, a look that expresses gratitude in a way only Noya knows how to interpret.

They let go so that their superiors can assess things, but Nishinoya doesn't stray too far, moving next to Asahi when he and Suga kneel down on either side of Ryuu. He wipes his hands on his shirt as he watches.

Asahi makes quick work of Tanaka’s shirt, slicing it open with ease using a pair of scissors and pushing the fabric away. He grimaces at the sight when Suga wipes at Ryuu’s stomach with a dampened, cotton cloth to really assess the damage: he’s taken two shots, not just the one like Nishinoya had originally thought: one to his left flank and another just under the ribcage, also on the left-hand side. It better explains the mess on the floor (and why the bleeding _wouldn’t fucking stop_ despite Noya applying constant pressure to his abdomen), but worsens the overall prognosis.

Suga apologizes before applying an alcohol pad to the wounds as he begins cleaning them up and sterilizing them. Tanaka lets out a hiss, followed by a raspy string of expletives and Noya can’t help but smile.

He crawls away from Asahi’s side to lift Tanaka’s head into his lap, running his fingers over the short fuzz of his hair. “See? Look at that. Y’still got some fight left in you,” he says. Tanaka just hums in response, eyes fluttering open and closed as Noya’s hands massage his scalp. For a minute, it's almost easy to forget what's going on around them.

“We need to get him back to base as quickly as possible. I called Daichi and Ennoshita on our way, but they were halfway across town. I’m sure you’re already aware,” Suga explains as Asahi checks the status of the bleeding of Tanaka’s chest wound under the compress; it’s finally starting to clot, but not enough for him to be satisfied.

He asks Suga to hand him another pad, apologizing for interrupting, and he does so before continuing. “I’m not sure how easy it’ll be to transport him in this condition without their help, but there’s not enough here to be able to do much more than dress the wounds as they are.”

Asahi nods. “They have the saline bags with them. We need to replace some of the volume he’s lost since we won't be able to get him more blood until we’ve returned…” He scratches at his chin with his clean hand, examining Tanaka’s chest again. “I don’t think there’s an exit point for this shot either, which means it’s likely that the bullet is still inside somewhere…the damage could be worse than what I can see…”

Tanaka takes a sharp inhale of breath when Asahi presses around with his fingers and Noya can feel his shoulders tense against his knees. “Asahi-san, be careful!!”

Asahi retracts his fingers quickly, as if he's been shocked and Suga rolls his eyes before reprimanding Noya. “Listen, we're all on edge, but we need to figure out how to get Tanaka out of here, _calmly_.” Noya just scrunches up his face indignantly and looks away.

Suga turns his attention back to their friend. “Now then, on the count of three, we’re going to try to get up, okay, Tanaka?”

“I dunno...about this…” he says. Noya can see it in his expression, that he doesn't think he can do it. It burns under his skin.

“It's imperative that we get you home,” Suga says as he finishes dressing Tanaka’s injury. “It'll be painful, but we don't have a choice. Asahi.”

Asahi nods, hooking his arms underneath Ryuu’s back and behind his knees, easily lifting him from the floor. Tanaka cries out, face twisting in pain, and Noya has to look away. “I’m sorry about this, but it's the easiest way…”

“I know, just... _fuck_ ,” Tanaka whines. He drapes his arm around Asahi’s shoulders before tilting his head to look for his partner. Noya’s over to his side in a flash, taking his hand again and gripping it tightly; it's a silent promise that things will be okay, no matter what.

 

* * *

 

On the way back, Tanaka had slipped into unconsciousness. Despite his efforts, Noya hadn't been able to keep him awake. Despite his efforts, Tanaka’s skin had gotten cold and clammy again, blood had soaked through the bandages, his breathing had become shallow and rapid. Worst of all, it had all happened in an instant. Out of nowhere. Deep down, he knows he should've expected it, but he hadn’t.

The waiting game now, he decides, is the hardest part of all.

It's going on five hours since Asahi and Ennoshita had rushed Tanaka into the medical wing, Noya realizes. Five hours of waiting beside the steel doors, the metal of the wall cold against the small of his back. Five hours without any information, any word. Five hours hunched over his knees with his head pressed tightly against them.

It feels like an eternity when Asahi finally emerges. Noya’s head snaps up to look at him, not entirely liking what he finds there when he does.

His expression is painted with exhaustion, his hair tousled and falling into his eyes. The corners of his mouth are downturned slightly, the whole of which is trembling and Noya knows that look well: he's trying not to cry.

“Asahi-san.”

“Nishinoya, we tried, but...” he does his best to hold back, but he can’t; he breaks. Asahi’s eyes well up with tears and Noya’s pretty sure his heart stops beating. He's thankful in this moment that he's already seated or else he's pretty certain that his knees would've collapsed underneath him.

“That's...this is a joke, right? He put you up to it? He’s actually fine, right? Asahi-san? You're fuckin’ with me?” He grabs onto Asahi’s wrist, using him to pull himself to his feet. “Tell me that's what it is.”

“W-what?” is the only response Noya receives at first before he collects himself. “No, it’s- wait, Nishinoya, you're not authorized-”

“Like hell I’m not!” he snarls as he pushes passed him, grabbing Asahi’s keycard and swiping himself through. He has to see it for himself.

It hurts more than he thought it would.

Tanaka’s body lay still on the table, hooked up to monitors and surrounded by dirtied piles of gauze and a few emptied bags from the IV line still attached to his arm. He doesn't hear the beeping sounds of life nor the whirring from the machines; it's just silence. Cold, uneasy, lonely silence.

Asahi’s panicked breath is the only sound filling the room, aside from the rush of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. “Nishinoya, there's nothing more we could have done, please understand.”

Noya turns to face him, head downcast. Asahi can't read his expression, but he knows when he hears the choked back sob. Noya steps forward, pressing his face into his chest and grips the back of his shirt tightly. Although surprised at first, Azumane returns the embrace, slowly lowering them to the floor when he feels Noya begin to falter.

“I loved him.” Noya’s tears wick away against the fabric. Everything crashes around him at once: the grief, the anger, the disbelief, the guilt. The guilt is the worst of them all by far, he's pretty sure. If Ryuu hadn't gotten in the way, he'd still...it should have been _him_.

Asahi’s still crying too - he can feel the droplets fall into his hair every so often - but he does his best to comfort Noya anyway. “I know...we all did.”

 

* * *

 

Nishinoya isn’t quite the same after the burial.

He constantly has nightmares about what happened. Usually it’s a vivid replay of the look on Ryuu’s face when he takes the hit, the sound of him slamming backward onto the floor, and the helplessness of not being able to save him. Other times it’ll be seeing his covered body on the examination table in the medical wing. It’s always cold in there, no matter how many layers he has on. Noya will lift back the sheet to look at his face, letting his fingers linger on his cheek one more time and Ryuu will suddenly open his eyes and ask why he broke his promise. He mouths the words ‘ _you said it would be okay_ ’ and Noya replaces the sheet and cries, unable to do much more than repeat his apologies over and over again.

He always wakes up suddenly, startled and in a cold sweat, and every time his first instinct is to lean over and tap on the side of the top bunk of the bed to tell Tanaka about it.

It’s exhausting and it never hurts less.

Thanks to the poor rest, he’s become more aggressive, much less patient, and spends a lot of his time holed up in his room if he’s not punching sandbags in the training facility.

It always feels like his colleagues are keeping secrets and it's easier to stay by himself than it is to feel their eyes on him. The judgment and worry expressed toward his behavior sears itself into his skin and it's easier just to not deal with it at all.

Daichi doesn't let him run hits anymore, citing it as being in his best interest. ‘It’s too soon,’ he always says and then Noya’s left to do fucking grunt work with Hinata and Kageyama. It's not what he wants. None of this is.

It’s another day spent running the same routine. He wakes up, pulls on a shirt from the mess of his floor and barely eats. Then, he makes his way to Daichi’s office. Noya doesn't bother knocking anymore; Daichi is used to it.

“The answer is still no, Nishinoya.” He doesn't even bother looking up from the documents he's reading and Noya clicks his tongue.

“I didn't even say anything yet.”

“You don't have to.”

He crosses his arms. “I don't get it, it's been four months and you’ve still got me runnin’ your fuckin’ errands! I like Shouyou and Kageyama, I don't mind helping them out, but I'm sick of bein’ held up! Everybody’s been walking around me like they're on eggshells, like they know something I don't,” he grinds out. “I just wanna get out there and do the job!”

“Those are exactly the reasons why you're not ready,” Daichi says, voice level. He finally lifts his head up to look Nishinoya in the eyes. His gaze is penetrating and intense and Noya has to break contact, choosing instead to stare at his feet.

“Look, I know that you’re feeling stir crazy, but you have to trust me. I’d be failing you as your boss if I let you go out there like this. Recklessness is only going to cost you more. Take my word for it.” Daichi taps the eyepatch over his left eye as he says this. “If it’ll be more engaging for you, I’ll let you help out with some of the new recruits. Maybe it’ll help curb the restlessness.”

Noya’s head perks back up at the prospect. “Yeah!! Thank you, Daichi-san!”

“I’ll let Kinoshita and Narita know. You can start with them next week in Rehabilitation.”

His face falls, fists clenching by his sides. “Wait, _what_? That’s like, the most low-key area in this entire place! I thought this was supposed to be engaging!” He was still treating Noya like some delicate piece of porcelain and it was starting to _really_  burn his ass.

“It’s either that or continue doing my 'fucking errands,' as you so gracefully put it. Choose wisely,” Daichi says. His smile gives Nishinoya the creeps and he can feel his skin bristle with discomfort.

“I’ll help out in Rehab…” he mumbles, turning on his heel and walking out. He nearly runs into Sugawara as he does, sliding by him with a ‘sorry’ before disappearing out of sight.

Suga looks at Daichi after he closes the door. “I take it you haven’t told Nishinoya.”

Daichi sets down his pen and folds his hands against the table. “Let him find out on his own.”

 

* * *

 

The next week finds Noya preparing for his new assignment. He figures that it’s better than babysitting his juniors on supply runs, but it’s nowhere near the ideal. He’d wanted to help out in the gym or the indoor range - something _exciting_ , something that would’ve kept him active and busy, unable to let his thoughts creep in.

The Rehabilitation Center is seriously his least favorite place; he thinks it’s boring as all hell. It generally houses injured members of the team, helping them regain their strength through various forms of physical therapy and a lot of care.

He’d been there himself twice - once for a bad sprain after being pushed down a flight of stairs and another for a nasty break after being pushed out a _window_ \- and both times had only been bearable because Ryuu had visited him every day.

Noya pushes the thought out of his head, rubbing his face. Kinoshita and Narita would be there and Asahi had promised to accompany him since he didn’t have anything going on for once; it was going to be okay.

Almost as if summoned, he hears a knock against his door. Asahi’s gentle smile greets him when he opens it. “Ready?”

“As much as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

“It’s not so bad...Daichi has good judgment, I think you’ll find it relaxing.”

“What’s relaxing to me isn’t the same as what’s relaxing to you,” he groans, “no offense.”

Asahi lifts a hand in response, a silent gesture saying ‘none taken.’ “Still, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

Noya stops walking then, crossing his arms and leaning in toward him. “Alright, y’know what- what’s goin’ on?”

Asahi freezes and Noya knows for certain now that he’s caught him in something. “Nothing, why would you-”

“You’ve got _The Face_ ,” he points out and Asahi, instead of answering and damning himself further, resumes walking, this time at a much brisker pace. “Asahi-san!!” Noya chases down the hall after him, but he slips inside of the Center before Noya can press him with more questions. He swears quietly under his breath before pushing the door open himself.

Things are a bit busier than normal. There are a few new recruits whose names Noya doesn’t remember sitting around the common area, and he notices that there are some more curtained off sections over in the Recovery corner than there usually are as well.

Kinoshita sees him first and waves him over to the counter. “Hey! I wasn’t sure you were going to make it!” he teases.

“Where’d Asahi-san go?”

He raises his eyebrows then smiles. “Oh, uh, he’s over with one of the patients over there in Recovery. You want me to bring you? I need to give you the rundown of how things are going to go the next few weeks anyway, so two birds, one stone.”

Noya nods and follows, trying not to show his impatience as Kinoshita explains to him where everything is and who gets what treatments throughout the day, what happens if Noya ever has to cover one of them for the night shift and introduces him to some of the residents (he still doesn’t remember their names).

“Asahi-san, you ready for us?” Kinoshita calls, but Noya doesn’t bother to wait for his reply before pulling the curtain back, ready to give him a piece of his mind for taking off on him.

The words are all but ripped clean from his mouth.

Suddenly everything makes sense. At the same time: what the fuck?

“Nishinoya...?” Asahi’s voice cuts through the silence and time begins to flow around him again.

His feet move out from underneath him and he swiftly crosses the distance, pushing Asahi out the way so he can get a closer look. Kinoshita nudges at Asahi’s shoulder then, a suggestion of privacy to which he complies. Nishinoya’s so caught up in the sight laid before him that he doesn’t even notice their departure.

His hair has grown out a little and his face has thinned just slightly, but Noya figures that’s probably to be expected. He takes in every detail, committing it to memory as he tries to push out the old image. He brushes his fingertips against Tanaka’s cheek, just like in his dreams.

Tanaka blinks open his eyes and he expects for everything to suddenly turn, to find out that it’s just another nightmare. He braces himself for Ryuu to mouth the words that he's come to hate so much.

Instead, he brings up a hand to fit over Noya’s fingers. His voice is rough when he speaks, but it’s the best sound Noya thinks he’s ever heard in his entire life. “Man, it’s good to see your face.”

“I could say the same thing to you. Y’look pretty fuckin’ good for a dead man.”

“That dirt really does some wonders for the complexion, lemme tell you.”

He lets out a wet laugh, leaning in to wrap his arms tightly around Tanaka’s neck. He takes a deep breath, smelling the faint hints of soap and latex clinging to his skin. “I thought you were gone.”

“Asahi said I was out for a good couple months, so I guess technically?” he murmurs, ruffling his fingers gently through Noya’s hair.

“Almost half a year.”

Tanaka lets out a low whistle and Noya pulls back to seat himself next to him on the bed. “Didja keep count?”

“136. I had to be Daichi-san’s errand boy for _136_ whole days ‘cause of your dumb ass.”

“Shit, dude. I’m sorry I left you hangin’. Did you have to dryclean his suits?”

“Once a month.”

Tanaka laughs and the noise is nothing short of revitalizing; he can feel it reverberating through his core, sparking life back into his veins. “That’s rough.”

Noya nods, shifting so he can rest their foreheads together. Tanaka looks confused, but doesn’t bother moving away. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t get to tell you anything I wanted to and I was so fuckin’ mad at myself because I’d lost my chance ‘n you were gone,” he squeezes his eyes shut, “maybe you just don’t really realize it ‘til you don’t have it anymore, I dunno, but it hurt so bad, every day. And I wanted to talk to you about it, ‘cause like, you always know what to say when I can’t figure shit out, y’know? But I couldn’t.”

“Noya-”

“I’m just so _pissed_ that nobody fuckin’ told me anything, but I’m relieved, too...” He’d get back at Daichi, Suga, Asahi and everyone else in on the charade eventually, but for now…”Ryuunosuke.”

Tanaka’s eyes widen when he hears his full name and Noya knows it’s because he only uses it when he’s either  _seriously_ pissed or he has something incredibly important he needs to tell him. This time, it’s the latter.

“I’m not going to let that chance slip by me a second time.” He can’t look Ryuu in the eye and he can feel his face heat up as he quietly mumbles, “I love you so...don’t leave my side like that again.”

He hears the heart rate monitor begin to beep with increased frequency suddenly and when he happens a glance at Tanaka’s face again, he looks like he’s short-circuited. Noya’s even more embarrassed, stammering as he quickly starts to backpedal. Ryuu grabs his face between his hands, effectively quieting him down. “Dude, I took a bullet for you. I mean, isn’t that kinda...I dunno, obvious? That I feel the same, I mean.”

“Two,” Noya says, correcting him.

“Huh?”

“You took two.”

“Oh. Whatever, you know what I meant.” He does and he’s practically vibrating with joy at this point, grinning wildly. Tanaka returns it with one of his own. “You wanna see the scars?”

“Are they super gross?”

“ _Wicked_ gross. Chikara had to cut me open and set two of my ribs back into place after he pulled out the bullet. I guess the force of it snapped two of ‘em.”

“That’s wild. But I totally do, show me.”

Tanaka pushes the blanket down around his waist and lifts up his shirt, revealing the rough, discolored reminders of what had happened. Noya brushes his fingers against them and then dips his head, pressing kisses there apologetically.

“Here,” Ryuu says as he shifts himself over and pats the small bed for Noya to crawl underneath the blanket with him (which he does, happily). Noya tucks his head underneath Tanaka's chin and drapes an arm across his waist as he gets comfortable. When they've finally become situated, Ryuu speaks again. “Now fill me in, I wanna hear about all those errands. You’ve gotta have some blackmail on Daichi-san by now.”

“Boy, do I _ever_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on twitter (@mokubah) and tumblr (@mokuba)!


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